The Pessimistic Idealist

Eat Your Veggies

2009-08-13T10:57:00.000-07:00

As I was making breakfast this morning, I noticed a subtle stench in the refrigerator. I located the problem in the veggie drawer: a partial bunch of now-rotting asparagus. I had used the fresh part sometime last week and was disappointed to find the rest of my over-priced vegetable no longer suitable for ingestion. So I tossed it in the trash. I also tossed a shriveled nectarine, wilted lettuce, and a hard-as-rock lime. Deciding on a bowl of with blueberries as my breakfast, I grabbed the colorful pint of my fruit and began picking out the nasty ones. Once I had a handful of good berries I tossed them into my bowl of cereal. Breakfast, at last. Then I decided to cut up the cantelope sitting on the counter, only to find that, it too, had become past due. That joined the asparagus in the garbage.

I drew a few lessons from this mornings kitchen cleaning. The first being obvious: stop buying so many fruits and veggies so they don’t go bad on me. The second leading to a question that spurred this blog in the first place: why is it that the fresh, natural foods are the first to spoil? Obviously they are absent of any preservative (my can of corn in the cupboard is sure to be edible for the next two years.) Then I thought back to the Garden of Eden when everyone just walked around naked picking fruit right off the trees. They didn’t have refrigerators to keep things in, they didn’t have materials for canning, and they didn’t have a pantry to fill with food that they might need later on. When they were hungry, they ate. There was always something in season, some delicious snack hanging within reach.

This brought me to Matthew where Jesus teaches to not be worried about what you will eat or what you will wear: “The people who don’t know God keep trying to get these things, and your Father in heaven knows you need them.” (Matthew 6:32) I believe that the rotting vegetables in the bottom of our refrigerator is a solid reminder that we don’t ned to store up things on the earth; God knows what we need. We feel comforted by a full pantry and a year’s supply of water to survive Y2K, or whatever other fear we create. We build up our savings as a security blanket. We deny the opportunity to see God’s provision in our lives when we think we can provide for ourselves. God created things perfectly: vegetables and fruit when we need them, not for any other time. You can’t eat it a week early, it won’t be ripe, and you can’t save it for a week later, for it will go bad. God provides for us exactly what we need when we need it. He’s not interested in providing extra for that “emergency” we fear. He’s far more interested in us turning to Him in the middle of the emergency and waiting on His prefect provision.

Slumdog Millionaire

2009-01-23T11:57:00.000-08:00

If you have not yet seen this film- you NEED to! One of the best films I have seen in awhile.

We weren't yet 10 minutes into the film, and I was in tears about ready to book a flight to India. I don't know why I have always had a fascination with India and the culture. Maybe it's the beautiful saris or the rich colors of the land, whatever the case, I am engrossed by it's beauty and darkness all at the same time.

The film is largely about an orphan's life in the slums of Mumbai. If you know me personally, you know I've always wanted to adopt. Every movie touching on this theme tugs at my heart in a way that is far more internalized than a cliche Hallmark movie. The undertones of social justice are also too invasive to ignore. Though not intended as a social justice film, the simple fact of the setting should be enough to convict Americans into action.

Nikhat Kazmi, writer for The Times of India, said: "Forget the twitter about aggrieved national sentiment. For Slumdog Millionaire is neither poverty porn nor slum tourism... No Slumdog is just a piece of riveting cinema, meant to be savoured as a Cinderella-like fairy tale, with the edge of a thriller and the vision of an artist. It was never meant to be a documentary on the down and out… And it isn't." So it was not a liberal propaganda piece about how we are all power-hungry ignorant Americans, but a beautiful film that if you just so happen to be American and you just so happen to have money, or some influence of power, then I hope that you were stirred for the cause of social justice.

I feel like I need to go find a Compassion Child to support now, or I will be a hypocrite.

In any case, go see the film.

Office Space

2009-01-12T13:07:00.000-08:00

What could be a more convienient time to blog then during the day at your boring desk job? One would assume that this would be an ideal setup. But what is it about the office space that completely stiffles creativity?! Last night, right at the time I wanted to fall asleep, my mind was swimming amongst ideas, problems, to-do lists, and ways to not hate my job. But what I wanted to be doing was sleeping!

Now, at my desk with time to kill, my mind is a complete void numbed by hours of data entry and emails. So I have made the diagnosis that I have two problems: One: I need a new job. This one is obvious, and will be solved within the month. Two: I think is a more comlex issue: Our mind simply does not cooperate with our schedule!

So my problem now is this: Is there a way to make your schedule align with your mind and thought patterns, or are we stuck limiting our mind to fit our....

...sorry, I was interupted by an istant message. I think I've proved my point.

My schedule so far has dictated my time for music (one of my deepest passions), my time with people that fill me, and my time with God, all three are things that stimulate me intellectually and emotionally. Please tell me there is a way to survive in our work-to-live culture without sacrificing emotion, thought, and passion! I have decided that my resolution this year is to make my schedule second to thoughts and ideas, instead of just slicing in menial time in the midst of a drainging schedule.

Step1: Quit my job. Obviously, not an option for every situation, but God has blessed my husband with a new job that will allow me to break away from my desk job.
Step2: I guess start scheduling in time for reading, writing, time with God... I guess there is no way around a schedule when we live in a society that is ruled by the clock. We are also ruled my our stomachs; it's lunch time and I'm hungry, so I have to go.

Disruptions

2009-01-06T13:49:00.000-08:00

Only three months of my blogging adventure and I've already disrupted the pace. Are disruptions the problem? Do we set out to accomplish our life's to-do list only to be disrupted by jobs, broken down cars, weddings, funerals, cleaning houses, over-due bills, lost dogs, broken arms, headaches.....

When does the break come when we finally get to do what we want to do? When do we get a vacation from the have-tos and a chance to live out our passion? Or more practically, how can we live out our passion in the midst of the disruptions? Or is there a way to take care of both?

Painfully, I am all questions on the subject with few to no answers. I live for my faith in Christ, so that is supposed to give you comfort in all of life's uncertainties. But why would God give you talents and passions and motivations, only to see you be weighed down from the world's agenda? Is there some key that I am missing here? Do I not "believe" enough?

I can't help but think that God intended for us to live a simpler life. His disciples roamed around unemployed for years. John the Baptist didn't work hard just so he could afford to eat at fancy restaurants. Esther didn't spend her time as queen visiting tanning salons and shopping malls.
If your passion is cooking, why not cook for the neighborhood? If your passion is helping, offer to clean. If you enjoy children, be the daycare. If you're an animal person, be the neighborhood pet sitter. If your passion is music, be the evening's entertainment.

I know people will easily brush this off as utopia nonsense, but I can't help but think that there is a disruption-free way to pursue the God-inspired passions inside of us. It just may not look like our United States way of living. And maybe that's a disruption that people would rather not discard.

Highs and Lows

2008-11-10T07:45:00.000-08:00

These two weeks have been exhausting! God has flooded our lives with high moments and lows, taking my husband and I on a very unexpected ride. We are seeking other employment situations which brings the anxiety of not having a paycheck juxtaposed by the excitement of knowing that God has another plan for our lives. We are eager to follow Him and see what is in store for our mission together as a couple. But the lows have been overwhelming. Leaving a church and a job in trust that there is somethingbetter can be unnerving, at the least, expecially when truth of the whole situation has become ambiguous.

Prospective bosses call; then they don't. Then they return an email with a vague answer. So what's going on? How far will our trust be tested on this one?

Then Papa dies. Not entirely unexpected. Maybe even a blessing of being released to leave my husband's home town. But still a low. A low that brings on family expectations of how we should handle this, what we should do, and what events we need to attend or not.

Our kitchen floor, currently a bed of cardboard, was going to be fixed. It was a promise made again and again. After three broken promises, a member of our congregation hands my husband a check and an offer to come help put down the tile. Done. Just like that.

Does God let the lows happen, so we can appreciate the highs? Or are the highs inserted as a mere promise that the lows aren't being endured in vain? Are we let down so we can be picked up? Or are we picked up so we can better prepare for the next fall? If we look at Scripture to answer this quesion, I would suppose it to be the latter. Scripture paints suffering as a blessings. Blessings are blessings, too, but they do not seem to provide the wisdom and peace that arise out of a tragedy.

I'm not saying my life is full of tragedy, just pondering the idea of highs and lows. I suppose I'd be bored with the middle anyway.

Blogger Virgin

2008-11-03T10:30:00.000-08:00

So I have taken my husband's advice and started a blog. I guess it gives me something to do at work, at the very least.

I suppose I am more partial to writting my thoughts down in a decorated journal that I can easily stash away from unwanted judgement and opinions, yet the idea of my philosophies being validated by another human being gives me the feeling that they aren't just frivolous rantings from a pre-teen's diary. Though I am sure rantings will persist.

Thus I begin this transaction of mind to keyboard and hope that reading minds will be gracious.